The Voice In My Head

Like most of my really good ideas, this one came to me in the shower. I think the hot water must open up the blood flow to my brain so that I can be more tuned in to the messages being sent my way. Heaven only knows how many I miss because I am otherwise focused on the minutia of life. In His infinite mercy and grace, I pray God does not subject me to the narrative of missed opportunities in this earthly life.

I am not sure why this seems so important, but it is not mine to judge, merely report.

Mixed Messages

From the time I was a fairly young child certain conversations entered my brain in a completely different manner from which they left the mouth of the speaker. For example, someone would say:

“I (We) missed you at ________________.” And what I heard was, “Shame on you. Why weren’t you at _________________.”

This, coupled with my belief that my presence will not make or break any event, makes me a very odd social duck. If I didn’t attend Sunday School, a party, or any social gathering I just assumed things would go on as scheduled and everyone would be fine. No one would miss me. This is not because of any self loathing, but rather that I don’t have an overblown sense of self importance. Plus, in my introverted nature, I am quite content avoiding unknown social situations.

But the realization today that a person could be reaching out to me in concern and I heard condemnation and accusation is very disturbing. Where does that even come from? I know you’re reading this mom, don’t worry it wasn’t you. Or dad. I think it is just how my brain is wired. And here is the very important point I want to make.

We live in a world where everything that goes wrong has to be someone’s fault; some one has to pay; some one must be punished. The truth of the matter is that we are all flawed human beings and we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are due to negligence and some are just the unfortunate circumstances of this world.

We need to stop living in a cycle of victim hood where any and every thing that happens around us is somehow deliberately done to us.

We need to accept ourselves and our failings with grace and dignity; doing the best we can every day to forgive ourselves as well as others.

Not everything that happens (or doesn’t happen) is about you, or me, or anyone else.

Most importantly we need to recognize that all of this is impossible to accomplish on our own. God created us and gave us free will. Mankind (and yes this means women too) messed it all up so God came to our rescue and sent us Jesus. He paid our tab so now, if we accept it, there is no balance due. No condemnation. No finger pointing. No shaming. Just love of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

So, why did God reveal this to me today? I don’t know, but He did. Maybe He is tired of me listening to a voice inside my head that isn’t His. Or, maybe He just loves me so much He wanted me to hit the delete key and move forward. Whatever the reason everything stopped until I wrote this down. My work is done.

This has been a pretty deep Thoughtful Thursday. I pray that something I’ve said resonates and helps even one person find a way to let go of anything and everything that is keeping you from God.


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