Trust

All Play & No Work

I think we have firmly established that housekeeping is not my forte. The work now play later lessons never took hold. I pretty much play until I can’t move, then I clean up, and then I play some more. Yesterday I wrote about working on the closet in my room – a task that should only be undertaken when someone is at home with me. As much as I love my wool, being buried alive under a twenty two pound “bump” of sheep hair is not on my bucket list.

I was supposed to go back in and finish what I started. I didn’t. After the dream and the writing, and excessive thinking, I just needed to have my attention diverted. Going back into the lion’s den would not have accomplished that goal. So I got my spinning wheel out and made some yarn.

These are the things that crossed my mind as it, and the wheel, spun round and round.

Life Purpose vs Life Work

My entire life has been spent in caring and service to others. I feel a lump in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes as I write this. We are all created with a purpose.

My purpose is to nurture and care for others. This never changes; it is a part of my DNA. My life’s work however has changed several times but it is always a working out of my purpose.

Nursing was hard work but it fulfilled this purpose.

Working at a school as both a nurse and assistant teacher was hard work, but fulfilled my purpose.

Coming home to help raise our teenage daughter, whose biological mother just passed away, really fulfilled this purpose.

Helping our daughter raise her children was the ultimate use of this purpose.

Owning a yarn shop fulfilled this purpose…until it didn’t.

Lost Work = Unused Purpose

When folks tell me they miss Yarntopia – and I hear that a lot – I believe this is what they mean. They could buy yarn anywhere, but they belonged, they were accepted, and they were always welcome and at home inside the walls of Yarntopia. That was the crowning achievement of all the hard work.

I miss that too. I have no idea how many lives were touched as a result of that little shop. What I do know is that I prayed more during those eleven years than I had before or since. Every story, joy, heartbreak, or need got lifted up in prayer. It was a ministry and fulfilled my life’s purpose outside of my home.

That is the heartbreak for me. The thing that I miss. Closing didn’t just mean the business was gone; it was as if I no longer had a purpose. I had to grieve. I had to let go. I had to find a new way to use my gifts to help and nurture others. I have found that outlet through writing. The ability to write is a gift as much as my nurturing personality. I have tried to write fiction. I don’t enjoy the process and I suck at it. But what I do love is just what I am doing right now. Just sharing how I survive the ups and downs of life…and hopefully occasionally making folks smile for just a little while.

Just Do The Work

What God is teaching me through my writing is that I have to do the work and trust Him for the results. When I was a nurse I did things that made a visible difference in folks lives. I could see the results. I don’t always see the results of whatever I write. There is an important lesson for me to learn through this process. I must be patient. I must wait, and most importantly I must trust that what I do everyday is divinely inspired and will be used for good. Not for my glory but for His.

If you are in a place where you don’t see the light, trust that it is there. If you are overwhelmed and are grasping at answers that seem to be right, step back, ask and trust. If a loved one is headed down a path of pain or destruction, ask, trust, do what you must, and wait on the Lord.

It is the hardest thing but the outcome directed by the One who created us is far more beautiful than anything our humanity can ever create on our own.

Maybe this will help you as much as it does me:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5,6 (NIV)

Until tomorrow…keep looking up, embrace today, and go have some fun!

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