I’ve Been Missing You

I’m not sure where the last twenty three days went. That is is how long my computer tells me it has been since I have written a post. I’m beginning to feel the side effects of not writing. My body is in motion but my spirit is beginning to sag just a bit. I need to write, to share, to release all that gets pent up inside of me.

What I have been doing is the other half of my life…yarn and fiber. I had two classes selected to teach at a fiber festival. I have been preparing on and off for months and during the week leading up to the event I was in full teacher mode. Writing handouts, making samples and packing up my supplies. I drove to Dallas on Thursday; taught all day on Friday and then drove home on Saturday. I was exhausted by the experience.

My next event is a fiber and yarn festival where I will be a vendor. That is this coming Saturday so I have been in full show prep mode. Dyeing fiber. Preparing fiber for spinning. My living room looks like a rainbow of sheep exploded…neatly, in one corner. I don’t have a separate place to do all of this so I must look at this all day every day until the event is over. I’m longing for order.

All this jabbering is to say that I don’t divide my time and attention well. I am now, and have always been, an all or nothing kind of person. Now the thing that I am all in on can change at the drop of a hat, but whenever I am focused I can do nothing else. When I am dyeing and prepping fiber I think that is the most fun I have ever had. When I am writing I fully immerse myself and get lost in the words. I then fantasize about having a tiny nook where I would read and write. I’ve always loved being surrounded by books. On the days I write I can sit and work for hours and never feel tired. That is the one thing that is different for me about writing…I never tire of it. Everything else bores me after I feel a sense of minor accomplishment.

May is just right around the corner and that marks the second anniversary of closing my yarn shop. I have spent the last two years dabbling, dipping my toe in and out of the fiber world. I think I am afraid to let completely go because then who would I be? This has been my identity for so long that I think I am afraid of not being that person.

I wonder what God thinks about this turmoil? There is no doubt that turmoil is not what he wants for his children. I’ve asked. I’ve watched and then I return to where I am today. On two separate occasions I have heard a specific word from God on this subject. One was very clearly “Write about me.” The other was recently when I heard “Show me through the work of your hands.” Well, I took the second one to mean that anything I do with my hands I should do it to show Him off to the world. Not only the product but me and how I conduct myself. I guess I was hoping for an airplane flying overhead pulling a banner that said “Sheryl, ____________ and stop ________________. But God doesn’t work that way.

He allows us to choose and make mistakes and figure it out. But, I’m 61 years old, I’ve got to get busy. I could be running out of time. I think in writing this post I am seeing the writing on the wall, so to speak. My husband and I are seriously planning for the last phase of our earthly life and it is going to involve a move. After thirty years in this house we are going to clean out, de-clutter and move about fifty miles up the road to be closer to our daughter and her family. We’ve dreamed of living a small town life, but now I just want to be close to our kids without fighting the traffic of Houston to get there. It is entirely possible that with this fresh start there will be some wooly things left behind.

I will be on the road for a couple of days for a wedding, and then back home for the last stages of show prep. I might not make it back to the blog until next week. But I promise, I am back. I’ve missed this more than I knew.

Hugs,

Sheryl

Look Closely

Most of us, myself included, wander through life and rarely slow down long enough to notice the little things that exist right under our nose. God gave us such an amazing world to live in and what do we do to say thank you? Bury our noses in technology and complain.

While I moan and complain about what I don’t have, what kind of house I don’t live in, and then sit in my recliner watching HGTV only to have more ammunition for my pity party, I am missing out on what is right in front of me.

At first glance this looks like a picture of a tree, right? But look closely. There is a camouflaged visitor playing hide and seek with me.

While I have wasted so much precious time whining about what I don’t have, I have completely overlooked all that I do. Please tell me I am not the only person who is guilty of this sin?!

I want to grow some veggies, herbs and other plants for a tea and dye garden but whine because the back yard is all grass and I don’t have the physical strength to remove the sod and build the raised beds. So I did nothing.

Last Sunday, in a moment of optimism, I bought two cherry tomato plants from a local farmer. Today I am going to plant them in pots for a container garden. I may not be strong enough for the back yard, but I can handle a bag of soil and a pot. I’m also buying herbs, and some flowers today for additional containers. I don’t have to wait for the back yard to be plowed up to take action. I just convinced myself that I did. Don’t believe the lies.

I went outside to check my little tomato babies and look! It is so amazing to see my food growing on a plant that I have cared for, for five days. It doesn’t take long to get attached.

Green buds lead to yellow flowers which in turn become tiny little tomatoes. What an amazing miracle this is. And just think, I will get to eat these in a few days. Assuming I beat the birds to them! I think growing food is an important thing to do. It reminds us that God provides all that we need. Not always what we want, but EVERYTHING we need.

I want lots of things, but what do I need? I need love – family and friends, security, a roof over my head, food to eat and clothes to wear. Nice furniture, a television, cell phone, iPad, even yarn are all wants. I could survive without them. But, I have them and they are the icing on the cake. It is important to take time to remember these small truths.

I am so happy that I stopped whining long enough to get outside and live a little! Have a wonderful Friday and an even better weekend.

Until Monday…keep looking up, embrace today and go find some fun!

Necessary Tasks

I’ve been off my game of late. For those of you who have noticed, I apologize. I’m working on a project that has a hard deadline and it demands all my attention. Well, not really attention as it isn’t difficult, in fact it is very easy; too easy. And that is the problem.

A friend of mine has a business dyeing yarn. For those of you outside the yarn world, there are many talented people who make their living artistically dyeing soft, lovely yarn for knitters, crocheters, weavers and other fiber folks to use in their chosen craft. I am fortunate enough to know several of these talented folks. I agreed to crochet a sample for one such dyer for an upcoming fiber show. Crochet. Easy peasy, I can do that in my sleep. She got the project to me with plenty of time; the fault is not hers. No, I am the only one to blame for my current situation.

Boredom nearly always leads to procrastination which in turn leads to panic. And while I am not in a state of panic, I am not able to do, or think about, anything else at the moment. It is a dreadful situation. But, there is light at the end of this tunnel. I am nearing the end of the yarn which also means the end of the project.

When I am finished here, I will take my cup of tea into the kitchen where I will prepare a small breakfast to nourish my body for the work to follow. Crochet is work to me. I enjoy crocheting, but it always feels like work. I don’t blame the crochet, I have cast this dastardly shadow on a perfectly lovely activity by always trying to turn everything I enjoy into some kind of a business. When will I learn? Probably never.

Until next time, keep looking up, embrace today and go find some fun.